WHEN HEAVY METAL MEETS HYENA

So when my firstborn got the most fabulous job, flying charter planes in and out of luxury Lowveld lodges, we chuckled.

This was the son who spent several formative teen years wearing black, etched a tattoo of the Grim Reaper on his arm, installed a lip stud, listened (if that is the word used to describe an auditory assault, screeched through ear buds) to Heavy Metal and declared himself a Satanist.

His gap year was spent working in a music store, waist length hair tied back (he did NOT appreciate his father’s comment that he looked just like his mother!) cuddling toilets in dodgy nightclubs all over the East Rand and boasting about the day he would be a Captain on British Airways or SAA, ponytail protruding beneath his Pilot’s peaked cap, a trail of “hosties” and assorted female passengers following him like love struck ducklings…

This was not the son to call upon when Parktown Prawns appeared in the lounge, enormous rain spiders clung to the curtains or the Guinea Pig fell ill and had to be put down.  Animals, reptiles, birds, wildlife in any form evoked not a trace of interest from him.  For that, we had The Catcher  - junior son, who made it his purpose in life to rescue any and all forms of non-human life, whether assistance was required or not.  Fortunately, killing with kindness and love is not yet a crime on the statute books, so the long list of unfortunates who met a rather unexpected and early demise, usually while minding their own business, cannot legally be held against him.

Back to son senior, who spent much of those formative years arguing with me about switching lights and appliances off, especially during the bad old blackout days in Jozi 2008.  Of course, as know-it-all teenagers are wont to be, he was right – the few kilowatts of energy we were saving by turning off the geysers and pool pump weren’t making Eskom jump for joy.  But equally, he refused to acknowledge the principal of using less, let alone recycling and the other eco friendly habits I tried hard to batter into them.

So his first ‘proper’ flying job is totally wasted on him!  Living in, and flying around, the luxury lodges in the Sabi Sands and adjoining reserves for someone who pointedly slept in the car on oh so many Pilanesberg Game Reserve trips?  He is not worthy, especially when these five star lodges include the pilot in guest game drives and I get numerous photo’s messaged to me – leopards on the ground with a kill, wild dog, jumbo in the garden, vine snake on the fence…

Oh, how he loves to regale us with stories of the Honey Badger running past him (twice – second time for the camera!) while he sat peacefully on the crew quarters veranda.   And the time a lioness strolled onto the runway as he was pulling the plane out of the hangar.  But on Thursday, he topped it all with a scary adventure and now I can understand why he has settled into bush life so well – banging heads in a mosh pit has nothing on this morning’s escapade!  He is extreme living, adrenaline flowing like a frisky volcano.

First a snap of a hyena is What’s App’d (is that a real phrase?)  - with the plane’s wingtip clearly visible as the beast rounds a wooden fence.

Skulking onto the tarmac.... 

A jovial exchange of banter between us begins, until senior son, realizing that his mother is not suitably awestruck by his narrow escape, follows up with a slamdunk photo of the plane, cable ripped out.

Crikey, who knew a hyena would fancy a bit of cable for brunch...

Oh.  He wasn't joking.  The hyena DID eat the plane.  After passing within 2m of Keith and placing itself between him and the car.  A staring contest ensued (oh, how well we remember those evil death stares from the teenage decade) which the hyena eventually lost.  I told you the boy has the stare from hell.

Fortunately, intent on his daily iron supplement, the hyena ignored my beloved child long enough for him to make a rapid dash to the vehicle and grab his phone to snap some pictures. 

Otherwise, this story would still be in pieces, like my son.  (as as soon as I can get the photo's off my phone and onto my computer, they'll be loaded, I promise)