Can a woman be too capable and independent?

And why is that question still being posed in 2015?

Dawn on Saturday should have found me in Nairobi but unfortunately, international travel arrangements were kicked into touch by an "only in Africa" situation, and instead the weekend peeped over the horizon to find a small convoy of two cars, laden with camping gear, five young men aged between 12 and 18 and a pair of women gasping for breathing space offered by the Kruger National Park. 

Parks and open spaces, "green lungs", hoover up CO2 and spill life-giving oxygen into a frenetic city, which cruelly slurps that up and spits out even more toxic emissions (90 million tons a day, Al Gore tells us). Ouch.

But entering the Park immediately synchronises human lungs to the rhythm of the bush.  Our chests expand wide and deep, drawing in soft, pure air, fragranced by dust and Red Bushwillow (Combretum apiculatum) overlaid with eau d'animal. As if we'd walked into a wall, our blood pressure instantaneously drops, breathing slows and muscles relax. Heaven.

Once inside the reserve, my genius friend hands over her vehicle to her cool dude (licensed) guest from Argentina and of course, all the boys want to be together in that car, leaving us women to travel in Lola. Terrific, that works for us too - Kruger's big and striking north for our camp close to the Mozambique border, we have hours to while away, absorbed in bright conversation.

Enneagrams. Buddhism. Books. Further education and studies. EQ and its effects. Travel anecdotes and then, true cavewomen, we fall to analysing relationships.  Boss (hers) husband (mine) males of our experience (past and present, varied roles). Friend's relationships. Single parenting our sons. 

Result?  We concluded that men can be comfortable around smart, strong women providing they aren't too strong or smart, all of the time.  The battle of the sexes is truced and troubled waters oiled when control is occasionally relinquished and handed over to the peacock.  

Which is a bit of a problem if you are a strong, intelligent, opinionated, educated woman perfectly capable of running life, work, home and children exactly the way you want them to be managed.  You're so competently achieving this and fitting in some 'me' time that you don't have space in your úber organised schedule to step back and hand over the reins.  The agenda is jam packed - what if the baton is dropped and your strategic vision not met?  This isn't about sexism or female chauvinism – this issue is one of control and fear of letting go.  Lack of trust.  Perfectionism.

Both genders need to recognise that relationships are a jointly baked pie. One baker's strength is in the pastry, other baker’s in making the filling. Success lies in establishing and acknowledging whose skills lie where and respecting that boundary. And knowing that over a lifetime, different pies with diverse fillings will be baked and roles reassigned. Fluidity rules.

My learned and commandingly corporate friend and I are faintly optimistic that we've raised our boys to be confident men.  Powerful enough to jointly bake a pie and willingly swap pieces and places with the independent, accomplished women with whom they choose to share their lives.

That's our contribution to answering this darned question.