The Value of Research

Who hasn't snorted tea up their nose whilst reading a snippet on what the latest scientific research has uncovered?  Parents of teenagers don't need a laboratory to tell them that teenagers spend more time playing computer games than doing homework.  How many of us are kept awake at night figuring out why a cookie crumbles or how to make the perfect cup of tea?

Karma being what it is, I gave birth to a scientist so have spent many hours listening to his excited chatter about discoveries and expanded knowledge. My cynicism covers a reasonable amount of interest and acknowledgement that all discoveries have a value somewhere along the planetary plane, but I admit to having had a tremble of trepidation at the prospect of sitting through the description of 38 PhD theses at Junior's graduation.

However, I'm delighted to eat my fears and report that these clever scientists rock!  Each and every one has produced a thesis that not only could I understand what they had worked on, I could also see an everyday and immediate use for this valuable research.  Kudos to one and all for tackling solutions to problems such as malaria, cancer, pest control, fish breeding, water pollution, food security, forest governance, water service delivery, rural livelihoods, African horse sickness, computing infrastructure for rural schools, invasive plant control, fish ecology and so on and so forth. 

Returning home, wrapped in a fuzzy warm cloud of feel-good energy, I checked Twitter to catch up with the outside world.  "A 2012 study found that shoppers who use coupons are more relaxed and happier than shoppers who don’t use coupons," screamed an Uber Facts headline, ignoring the fact that we are now in 2017 and this research isn't cutting edge by any means.

Even overlooking the fact that 5 year old research doesn't deserve space on a social media outlet dedicated to breaking news, Uber Facts has ducked my optimistic bubble deep into the witching pond. For the love of all I hold dear, please explain:

1. who on earth thought this was a topic worthy of investigation and how did they get funding?

2. was anyone really surprised by the outcome? After all, it takes time to cut out and present a coupon at check out (tick 'relaxed' for that) and yeah, saving money makes most people happy (second boxed ticked.)

3. as for the non-coupon shoppers, many of whom will be in the queue waiting while a supervisor is called to authorise the coupon, watching their lunch hour minutes tick away, what have they got to be happy about? Firstly, they don't have a coupon and are paying full price. Secondly, for reasons not of their doing, they are condemned to spend an extra few minutes in the supermarket queue.

Having, without expending a fraction of the time, energy or expense no doubt spent on the above study, drawn the identical conclusion, do you think I'm eligible for a subsidy? A generous coupon, perhaps? I'm always happy to put my hand up and help science, particularly if a study grant is in the offing.

After all, I'm the woman who housed glass jars containing dead insects for her offspring's entomology projects in her freezer. Funny how he hasn't remembered this now that he has a bursary. I'm sure I'm due some rent...