Friday, 7 July 2017

Chairman Mao, Bat Bombers, Tree Climbing Crocodiles and more...

Hey, hey it's Friday and time for some funny bone ticklers.  I follow UberFacts on Twitter purely for their daily dishing out of ridiculous facts which breaks the monotony of angst and despair from news sources.

American based, not everything is of interest or relevance down here but there are some complete howlers, such absurdities that it's worth taking a few minutes to confirm the facts.  So far, I haven't caught them out but here are a few of my 'favourite things', as Mary Poppins would trill.

During WWII, the US wanted to bomb Japan using bats rather than an atomic bomb.  I swear, it's true - read the article on http://www.historynet.com/top-secret-wwii-bat-and-bird-bomber-program.htm.  What's so astonishing is that not only did President Roosevelt believe this plan had legs ("This guy is not a nut ... worth looking in to"), the lengths the military went to in order to thoroughly test the plan was bizarre.  Bats were put in ice cube trays and chilled to make them hibernate, then were fitted with teeny little bombs, taken up in a plane and dropped from 5000 feet.  

Test one wasn't very successful - most of the bats didn't properly awaken from hibernation and were unable to fly!  Still, the tests continued, using some 6000 bats in a determined effort to make this plan, well, fly.  The project was finally shelved in August 1943, much to the inventor's distress.  


Fortunately, testing on animals at that time apparently didn't elicit the (rightly so) furious public outrage it does today.

Continuing on, according to documents released by the State Department in 2008, during a personal meeting between Chairman Mao Tse Tung and US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger in 1973 good old Mao bemoaned:


"You know, China is a very poor country. We don’t have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands." The Chinese leader drew laughter when he returned to the proposition a few minutes later. "Do you want our Chinese women? We can give you 10 million." he said, adding: "We have too many women … They give birth to children and our children are too many."

Don't believe me?  Look at http://foreignpolicy.com/2008/02/15/mao-offered-kissinger-10-million-chinese-women/

Just where do we start with this?  (And to be fair, it was probably said in jest.)  The logistics of transporting 10 million women across the world. How many jumbo jets would flood JF Kennedy airport?  At an average of 4 passengers per taxicab, how many cabs would fill the airport ranks?  And can you imagine the commotion of 10 000 000 tongues, jet lagged but still fighting to utter their daily average of 30 000 words...

And, of course, they DO give birth to children...apparently, that's a female thing which has nothing to do with men.

The import would, however, have been great for retailers.  10 million new customers, fresh from the bleakness of Communist China, hitting Macy's and Nordstrom.  

Which leads me to funny fact number 3 - the average UK woman will own 111 handbags in her lifetime.  I'm sure the average American can match that.  Are there enough cows in the world to provide sufficient leather for 10 million x 111 handbags?  Not to mention the shoes... 

Still, as crocodiles and alligators can climb trees (ok, if you insist, Google this UberFact as well! https://www.livescience.com/43291-crocodiles-can-climb-trees.html) perhaps the bags could have been crocodile skin? 

No, it was probably better to keep those women locked up in Beijing.  The methane levels breeding cows for those bags and shoes would have fried us by now.


Last, but most certainly not least, is making diamonds from tequila. Yup, some ill considered research and experimentation by Mexican scientists has done this very thing. "The scientists noted that 80-proof tequila (40 percent alcohol) had the ideal proportion of ethanol to water to create diamond films. In order to make the diamonds, they evaporated the tequila into a vapor, and then heated the vapor above 1400 degrees Fahrenheit before depositing it on silicon or stainless steel trays. The resulting diamond films were between 100 to 400nm in diameter and free of impurities."

What a load of bollocks and a shocking waste of magnificent tequila - none of my friends would exchange that magic elixir for a rock at any price.  What would our Hottie Dottie Diner's conferences be like without a margarita or 17?    

http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2008-11/creating-diamonds-tequila



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