Firstly, the heart cracked like crazy paving to say 'Cheer, darlings' to these woeful little faces. The guilt weighs heavy and the grief...
Then, blooming with the radiance of an award winning sunflower, we were treated to a fast 10 minute cuppa at OR Tambo airport with beloved No 1 Son before we stepped past the point of no return.Him Outdoors sped us away from the coffee shop, setting records for clearing security and immigration before I could absorb that this was, in fact, yet another farewell.
It's been a long time coming but finally, today IS the day and off we set on a new adventure.
So why the tears, heartache, fear, anxiety? This is, after all, another step in a plan to break out of the mould and live a little before we lose our teeth and reach for the zimmer frames.
All the farewells and drawing a line beneath our lovely home and life in South Africa would probably not take as high an emotional toll if our future was a little more, well, settled and structured. There are so many 'what if's' and worries, uncertainties and concerns. We've cast off without a safety net, relying on our ability to tread water and keep doggy-paddling to shore. But what if? There are many sharp rocks and hungry sea creatures out there and I do believe we forgot to pack the anti-shark spray!
The positive underlying ray of sunlight is the personal reflection and learning that never ceases, despite the unstoppable advancing years. Today reinforced a lesson learned with the arrival of babies and motherhood, knowledge that faded somewhat over the years but has pushed to the fore again.
The boundless elasticity of the heart, it's really quite remarkable. Cracked, dehydrated and broken one moment, bursting with eternal love and joy the next.
Now if only my saggy skin had the same resilience...
Enjoyed reading of the emotional turmoil you have experienced Tracy. You have such courage and determination which I am sure will help you over any hurdles that may come your way.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
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