Feelings of inadequacy, of just not making the grade, seem to haunt us throughout our lives.
Do you wistfully gaze at a friend or colleague, as she competently completes a task you struggle with? Or just seems so incredibly organised and on top of her game, all round?
Women’s magazines, under the guise of "uplifting" real life stories about women, just make us feel more hopeless. They mean well, printing encouraging tales of women, our age or older, doing things which make us gasp or gulp. Overcoming a dread disease, and then running a marathon... with one leg. Giving up a career as an investment banker to paint pretty designs on good old Bata takkies, thereby turning a hobby into a profitable little business.
Or, encouraged by the response to her contribution on Cupcake Day at playschool, an ordinary woman packs in her well paying job to start up a cake shop. Employs 3 people, pays off her start up costs within 12 months, has oodles of time now to spend with her kids.
Inspirational and well meaning they may be, but somehow, I feel more diminished by these success stories. I’m just not gifted in that way. Now, I enjoy baking. Especially the bowl licking before loading the dishwasher (saving water on the prewash cycle!)
My friends and family really enjoy the resulting feast, however, that doesn't stop the many rude remarks about the product appearance! Sniggers over the lopsidedness of the chocolate ring or the uneven lemon yoghurt cake. "That's not from the shop!" they chortle, "must be homemade - it's squonk!”
So clearly, a career in delicious, unattractive baked goods will not be mine.
Creatively, the world is awash with resourceful and inventive women, who casually design and bead necklaces, snapped up by fashionistas. Who's watercolour hobby has led to earning a living by illustrating books. Who discover ability for triathalons, mid life.
So where does this leave me, and masses of other women who, like me, believe they don't have any saleable talents? We can do things, but just not quite well enough to sell them on.
Well, here's what I'm learning, fast. We ALL have gifts, and use at least one of them every day. The thing is, we take our skills and abilities so much for granted, we don't see them as such. We are zoned into the grand perspective of things – a Napoleonic view of conquest and success, measured by an extreme level of power, influence and affluence.
That's why the smartly dressed executive, coolly rapping out instructions for the au pair, planning a dinner party for 8, simultaneously completing a presentation as she plans her next flight has us boggle eyed in awe.
But hang on a minute. Who has a knack for soothing a fractious infant? Who is able to feed a family of four on a shoestring, and have the neighbourhood kids lined up for home visits, “cos your mum cooks the best food”? Who just looks at a plant, to have it bloom wildly? Who puts in a full day at the office, in a job that is light years away from being her “dream job”, gets home through fume infused traffic, and by 8pm has fed, bathed, checked homework, chatted and cuddled the sprogs, before collapsing in a heap in front of the telly?
I realise that this is not the picture you had of your life, aeons ago when you graduated. But how many of those powerful people are doing what you manage to do, day in and day out, with none of their resources?
Perhaps you are the mum the school calls on, for fetes, tuckshop and PTA duties. Your other half abdicates the bill paying and administration of joint affairs, because you are organised and focussed. Friends call on you for common sense advice and support. At functions, people gravitate to you, drawn to the joy and laughs radiating from those around you. Your home draws admiration, for the clever little touches and warmth it has. Baking and / or cooking has you humming away.
That’s the secret – some things we do effortlessly, without much thought. And enjoy them. It’s the things we do to relax, that bring peace and harmony back to us, that are our gifts and talents.
I challenge you to keep a diary for two weeks. Nope, this one’s not a food diary (trust me, no book big enough to track what I guzzle down in a week!) List at least two things you did, every day, that you enjoyed doing. Or that you were complimented on. Or that you were asked specifically to do, because no-one else does it quite as well as you do.
Then look back at your diary. In isolation, your easy joys may appear to be insignificant and of little value. But they point to your gifts and talents, and when diarised, you’ll see the trend. Level headed, calm, focussed and organised? Or a sparkly sprite, who cheers up all within her orbit, and brings beauty and colour to her surroundings? A caregiver, patient and compassionate, or an astute eye for a bargain and opportunity?
You are filled with unique abilities. Unwrap your gifts, embrace and enjoy them!
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